Treasure in the scars: exposing the disparity of mental health support
In 2019, Patrick Regan OBE, set up his own mental health support system after he quickly realised the worlds resources weren’t good enough. After experiencing what can only be described as a devastating year, Patrick talks readers through how he has managed to create a positive platform that never undermines the significance of looking after your own wellbeing.
Several years ago I hit a perfect storm of everything going wrong at once. My oldest daughter was very ill for six weeks with a condition called HSP – a condition that involves swelling of small blood vessels which can leak into the skin, joints, intestines, and kidneys. My father was diagnosed with cancer, he survived but was in hospital for nine weeks and had to have nine different operations. My other daughter got diagnosed with additional needs at the same time my wife had a miscarriage.
I’ve always struggled with anxiety, but when you experience something that traumatic, it adds rocket fuel to your anxiety. It was like: Wham! I felt I was spiralling out of control. I got to the point where I wasn’t even sure I wanted to live anymore, because I was such a burden. It was then that I started searching for something a little bit deeper.
When I began struggling with my mental health I didn’t know where to turn. I was constantly being told that I should just be more grateful/pray harder/pull myself together/stop attention seeking/make better choices…the terrible list goes on. We would never do that with someone who had a problem with their physical health – in fact, we often think of people who have physical health problems as heroic for the ways they persevere. It’s only in recent years I’ve realised the disparity.
Over the last 10 years we have seen a shift in how society responds to people struggling with mental health challenges though we still have a long way to go. When I was going through a time of feeling really broken, I came across the art form of Kintsugi, a Japanese technique for repairing pottery with seams of gold, which translates as ‘golden joinery’. This repairs the brokenness in a way that makes the object more beautiful than it was prior to being broken. It is certainly more unique. Instead of hiding the scars, it makes a feature of them.
In 2019 The United Nations revealed that a person dies by suicide every 40 seconds and yet governments spend less than 1% of their budgets on mental health care. The lockdowns relating to COVID-19 then created a tsunami of new mental health problems as well as accelerating existing ones.
Research shows that groups most at risk of adverse mental health outcomes during the pandemic include young adults, women, those with pre-existing mental health conditions, those from minority ethnic communities, and people experiencing socio-economic disadvantage. Many of these characteristics can overlap. The most recent data (April 2021) shows that the number of people contacting the NHS seeking help for mental health problems is now at a record high.
In February 2018 my wife Diane and I founded the charity Kintsugi Hope. We had no idea COVID-19 was round the corner. In partnership with leading experts we wrote and developed Kintsugi Hope Wellbeing Groups – a 12-week facilitated peer-mentoring course using material that enables people to meet together in groups and support one another through some of life’s challenges. Key themes include acceptance, perfectionism, anxiety, and depression.
The Wellbeing Groups are designed with material available in seven different learning styles and therefore can be delivered in numerous contexts within the community.
I have been blown away by the response, Kintsugi Hope is now partnering with over 400 organisations over the UK and has trained over 1,500 wellbeing group leaders. Over 10,000 people have been through the groups, which are now running in various different places including churches, schools, universities, youth clubs, workplaces, parent and toddler groups, prisons, and cafes. We have been overwhelmed by the uptake, but there is still such a need.
One example of how a person’s life has been changed through joining the Kintsugi Wellbeing Group is Jean, who, became an ambassador for the charity. She told me: ‘I’ve never felt truly loved. My parents were busy and had problems of their own, so I never felt good enough. I was always being compared to my clever twin brother. Through Kintsugi I discovered what love is, Jean is loveable.’
Tragically, Jean recently passed away due to cancer, but before she died, she asked if I would speak at her memorial service. Honoured by the request, I recalled that Jean could frequently be quite down on herself, but towards the end of her life she learnt that self-acceptance is something beautiful that happens when we start to believe we have value for just being ourselves.
The project of spreading awareness of mental health support is something I want to continue for the rest of my life. Following the success of the Kintsugi Hope Wellbeing Groups, the team and I decided we wanted to stretch the message out to a wider audience. Though nothing would replace the connection that comes from meeting in support groups, I wrote a book called Brighter Days, 12 Steps to Strengthen your Wellbeing, which can be accessed in full here. So far, the response from doctors, psychologists, CBT therapists, psychiatrists, headteachers, faith leaders and entrepreneurs has been so encouraging. On the back of Brighter Days, training days has been developed for workplaces, schools, and universities. By working together we can discover treasure in life’s scars.
Images: Patrick Regan
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